you win again, gameday.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
