i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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