Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
