Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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