i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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