I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
