You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
