I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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