I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
