I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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