There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
