I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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