I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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