I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize