Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
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She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
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So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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