I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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