His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
