On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
