Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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