what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Terrible idea I love it
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
