the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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