I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
and she was petting her beer can
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
