why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
