Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
