I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
