so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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