According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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