Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
