I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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