This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize