I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
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I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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