Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
