I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
