fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
