How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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