Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
