I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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