Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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