Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
