so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
