i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
