There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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