$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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