but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
false alarm, still single
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
