she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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