I need help removing her.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
