Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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