There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm so fucking centered right now
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
