I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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