i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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