great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
