Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
