We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
