I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
