I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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