I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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