I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
