Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
