if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
handjob tips. give me some.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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