it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
