it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
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One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
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Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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